Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
