I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
