Don't make out with my wife yet
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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