god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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