I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
