I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
