ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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