The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
His nipple licking is glorious
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