i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
