I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
