Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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