so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
