I just threw up on my dentist
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
