So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
