I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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