I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
