he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
