Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
