...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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