yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
