Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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