my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
