I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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