Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
