I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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