I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
