you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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