i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
