I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
