wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
