fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
