i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
