If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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