bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you never un-have a 4some
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
