its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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