Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
