i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
