DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
