We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
