Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
