My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
