You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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