Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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