I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
