apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
