stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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