I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
