It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
