Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
