I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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