I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
