I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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